Finery In Life

Encore!

I posted this about nine months back.  I re-read it again today and feel like it needs an ENCORE!

November 08, 2007

A note on openess and honesty

I can't imagine not being an open and honest person.  I really can't.  It's not that I have never lied.  I have, but it has never been something of consequence.  At 18 yrs old, I took spiritual vows that forbid me from lying.  The occasional "white lie" (calling in sick for a mental health day) has occurred but again, nothing of consequence.  What I mean by saying that the occasional, "sorry we're out of X for dinner so you must eat what is in front of you", is of no real consequence, it means that there is no harm done, no hurtful effect, etc.  This is important to me.  It always has been.  My family knows this and now I'm teaching my sons that the best way to be is to be honest.  Maybe I'm not that concerned with appearances and so I let it all hang out there.  Maybe I'm stupid and shouldn't tell people what I really think.  Honestly, I like being who I am in this way.  I like being able to tell a friend that I don't agree with her schooling decisions for her child but that it is her choice.  I make all efforts to not come off as judgmental or disrespectful.  It is the "adult" way to look at life.  Agree to disagree with respect at all times.  I think my Dad taught me that.

Being honest and open does not mean that I am naive.  I do not trust the whole world.  I am cautious and selective.  My Mother taught me that.  It's important to trust your judgment and instincts.   I don't put on a happy face when I don't feel like it.  Everyone knows if I'm not happy or if something is bothering me.  They may not know the reason but I am "not myself".   There have been times in my life where I've had to be an "actress."  At this age, I refuse to live that way.  I tell it as I see it and I apologize to those that may be offended.  With me, what you see is indeed what you get.  I can't imagine being any other way.  Wouldn't that take too much effort?  Wouldn't it feel like life is work?  When do you take the mask off?  Who gets to see the real you?

That would simply be too much for me.

Your beloved is a girl not a boy

We may have to pay thousands of dollars in therapy in a couple of years.  We have made a rather "traumatizing" discovery tonight.

Our sweet boy has been snuggling, kissing, and sleeping with...  Wait!  Get your mind out of the gutter!

Anyway, he's been sleeping with NALA not Simba!  We were told that the lion he was given as a gift was Simba.  We told him it was Simba.  He's called it Simba since he could talk.  Simba's been to lots of places.  He's even been to a foreign country!  He's gotten tucked in and read stories to.  Oh, but now...

While reading tonight's bedtime story, someone noticed that the animal being snuggled looked an awful lot like Nala.  Immediately, the book and plush make there way to me to be inspected.  I feign ignorance and I say they both look like Simba/Nala.  Then I was asked to "g**gle" it.  I knew then, this was not going to turn out well.

He's not a he.  He's a she!  The boys aren't taking this well.  None of the three.  The Daddy wants to blast the person who made the error, the brother wants to make sure we're not the ones making the mistake, and the boy, well - he's in denial.   He's snuggling his Nala, I mean Simba.

Working through it

I've been absent from my blog.  I've been ignoring my inner guide.  I've also been succumbing to other people's craziness. 

Strange, I know.  Even Scott has been surprised at how I've let other people (crazy people, no less) get to me. 

It must be stress and exhaustion.   I've got to work on taking better care of myself.  Its about time. I know I've talked about this in the past but with me, my boys come first ...the three of them.

The answer is to work at it each day. 

Alright! Enough!

I saw tiny snow flakes falling this morning.  Same thing as yesterday.  Yes, I know this is what we get in the northeast, but seriously.  I've had enough.  Easter is next week.  No signs of SPRING!  Everything looks bleak and gray.  I want to be able to take the boys to the park and not worry about someone falling into the deep muck and mud.  I'm ready for thinner jackets and not having to hunt for mittens.  I'm ready for GREEN and tiny buds of hope.

I didn't sleep last night.  I know we all say that from time to time and what we really mean is that sleep was fitful or sporadic.  I really mean that I did NOT sleep.  I woke around 2:45 or so ( I saw the 2 & 4 but couldn't make out the 3rd number).  I kept trying to get comfortable.  Nothing.  Snuggled my hubby, still nothing.  Turned over and spooned instead.  Nothing.  I started saying mantras over and over.  Still awake.  So then my brain says, "oh, you're awake, let's make a list of all the things you must do."   Fighting the to-do list maker in me, I started to try to meditate.  Nothing.  At 4:11AM I got up and got a drink and some Advil.  At 4:37AM I was cursing myself.  I kept trying to relinquish myself to sleep and it just wasn't coming.  I didn't want to move since the dogs are very in-tuned to our motions and I didn't want them to wake the boys.  So I just laid there.   I don't think I've been this frustrated in a long time.  It was truly painful to want sleep so badly and not be able to get it.  Hubby got up and I stayed in his warm spot.  Still nothing.  Once the boys were up, I got up too.  I feel like a train wreck.  No, in the "I'm so tired 'cuz I didn't sleep" kind of way; more like "I was up all night."

I will be going to bed early tonight.  Yes, that is mandatory at this point.

Oh, boy!

I did something today that I'm afraid to talk about.  Nothing bad, I promise.  All good.  I just don't think I can talk about it yet.  Fun! 

Anyway, I'm supposed to take a SPINNING class tomorrow at 9AM.  Yes, this means I have to have the boys ready at 8:30AM the latest.  Can I do it?  You bet!  I LOVE SPIN classes!  I haven't done a complete one in such a long time.  The last time I tried, Roan was screaming in the kids room and they had to come get me.  He's so into the kids room now that it shouldn't be an issue.  I'm actually excited.  I'll probably lose some sleep...funny.

I'll be back to tomorrow to report on how much pain I'll be in, oh and the sick part....how much I LOVED it!

Sunday Wind-down

Whew!  Today felt endless.  This whole daylight/ hours change has beat me up today.  I feel like its later than it is but it should be the opposite.  I know I'm just tired from a long week.  Tomorrow is my only day off and my to-do list is as long as my arm.  If I stay focused, I'll be in good shape, if not...I'm up the creek.

We had a big family breakfast this AM.  They boys had homemade blueberry belgian waffles (W insisted we call them pancakes for some odd reason) and maple-cured bacon.  The Daddy and I had omelets.  I was so full that I didn't eat anything else all day until dinner.

I put in a full day at work and then came home to put dinner together, got the kitchen cleaned up, and the boys to bed.  Hubby's on deadline so I'm trying to get everyone out of his hair.  I would've taken the boys to work again today but they would've rioted since they went to work yesterday, too.  Not to mention that I'm on deadline, too.  The difference is that my deadlines can be moved a couple of days or so.  I've got a deadline for tomorrow that can't be moved so I'd better go work on that.

Here's to a more productive week and better weather soon....please....pretty please!

Done with the hoopla!

So, we're done with the birthday stuff.  Yeay!  He was very happy.  Played with his little brother and friends, they had pizza, cake, balloons, etc.  What more could a little boy ask for?  It was a delight to see him so happy and celebrating his birthday the way he wanted to - he picked the place.  I'm hoping we can always give him that (within reason).  Of course, there was some "drama" that came with some people but I have to say that I was very proud of myself and I did not give into it.  Just smiled and walked away.  Best way to handle it.

I made this amazingly tasty corn chowder this week.  I love corn chowder but I think my favorite recipe is a little too spicy for my boys.  It contains 4 jalapen~os.  Hot!  I love it though.  This new one was milder but still had some kick and it was a big hit.  Let's see....oh, I also made meat sauce and shells...that's always a big hit and I LOVE the leftovers for lunch.  Yummy!

Tonight was pretty simple too.  We had chicken sausage, spanish rice & beans, and corn.  Boys ate it all up!  By 7:20PM, I was doing the dishes and cleaning up.  While I was taking care of that, the boys played a game with their Daddy and then it was story time.  I sat down to write but then I was summoned to put someone to bed because he didn't "want Daddy."

Just an ordinary week around here.  Just like we like it.

Gone, baby, gone

Its so hard for me to look at the boys these days and see the proof that there are no more babies in our home.  They are boys not babies.  I've spent most of today planning my first baby's 5th birthday party!  It's like a dream.  It really has gone by quickly.  Well, and with Roan I feel that his babyhood was on fast-forward the whole time. 

I have to admit that I'm torn.  I miss having my babies but I love having my big boys too.  I love being able to talk to them and have them understand what I'm trying to get across.  At the same time, I miss the smell of babies and their gurgles and milky smiles.  We lucked out.  We had really good babies that slept through the night early, nursed well, and were generally easy to take care of.  We truly lucked out.

We are still very lucky.  Our boys are the biggest gift!  They are smart, funny, and sweet.  Yes, they are pesty boys but they are mine (ours). 

Dad got to see them today via Video Chat.  That was so awesome.  I know it made him sad though.  It made me sad too.  Warrick told him he wants to go see him soon.  We promised we will.  I'm hoping its soon so that they get to enjoy it and we get to enjoy them.

Super Tuesday

I've been watching the news with great interest.  I'm not all that politically inclined so even I'm surprised at myself.  The reality is that our country needs a leader that will help it grow and flourish.  We are unique and diverse as a nation and that makes elections challenging.  Everyone's got an opinion and the right to express it.  I'm grateful for all that we have (freedom, civil rights, ample food supply, free education, etc.) however, I'm a realist and I see our nation headed in a scary direction. 

Being the forever optimist though, I'm hopeful that a new leader will help steer us into a more positive situation for all.  That's the key.  In this society, families should not have to choose between food and heat.  Or for those of us that are a bit better off than that, having to choose between health insurance or staying home with our young children.  These choices bite.

Such disappointment

The Patriots lost their Super Bowl game.  I'm certain that its very sad and frustrating for those die-hard fans.   Those just like my husband.  I feel for them, I do.  I know how it can bring you down.  I recently had somewhat of a similar experience, Roger lost his first Open.  He's just two shy of beating Sampras' record.  How could he possibly lose after all these years being the #1 seeded male player in the world!

You see, its not that I'm not sympathetic to the Patriots fans, its just that football is not my kind of sport.  This is much to my hubby's dismay.  I'm more of a baseball, tennis, hockey, kind of girl.  I can't get into football.  I will sit and watch a game here and there but its not "in my blood."  Baseball well, yeah!  Rock on Red Sox! 

I'm certain the Patriots are already thinking ahead to the next season and the opportunity that it will bring.  Just like Roger is getting ready for the French Open.  Bring it on!  Fans are fans no matter what, we just hate to see them lose.

Here's to a great season for the Patriots, let celebrate their 18-0 achievement and look forward to next year.